I've reached the end

Originally posted on Dr. Gerald Horn's board at http://www.chicagolasercenter.com
Posted on Wednesday, 23 May 2001, at 8:13 p.m.

I cannot battle this anymore, there is no current and there will be no future hope for me. I am so sad that my life has been stolen from me this way. How did this nightmare happen? Is this real? Did I really do this to myself? How did my eyes end up so screwed? How can my prick doctor sit there and tell me I'm just "too picky" about my vision? Oh sorry, my expectations were too high. Yeah, I guess by expecting to only see ONE of every object was asking too much. And I should be happy with 20/35 vision, so what that it is doubled and with huge starbursts at night. I cannot believe this is the way my life ends, I had such a great life, so care free and easy going. All of this so I could play basketball without contacts. I was so stupid. I was so gullible to believe the hype. Anyone who is considering this surgery AFTER READING THIS board is stupid. I only discovered the real problems AFTER my surgery. AFTER it was too late. And then I found this board and surgicaleyes.

DR. Horn, how can you risk this procedure with the most precious thing people have? You read the problems people are having here. You know that even with ALL of the precautions taken that people can STILL have bad outcomes. How, knowing this could destroy someones ENTIRE LIFE, how can you still do this? You warn them? Does that make it any different? How can you live with yourself? Have you ever had a bad outcome? Yes? Then how can you continue doing this? No? Then quit now while you're ahead. I know one thing is for sure, If I were responsible for someone who's life was COMPLETELY DESTROYED like mine is, I wouldn't do it. I couldn't live with myself. But do you know what my doctor does? he sits there while I tell him how desperate I am and how I can't live with the complications of my surgery and he says "everything looks good" I don't see any problems. And then he rushes me out the door so he can see his next patient. What is this? How can someone be so cruel? I am devasted, on more than one occasion I have told him that I am ready to commit suicide because of my problems and he dosen't say anything. Sometimes I think he wishes I would just so I would stop bothering him. Well, I hope he is happy. I'm sure he will convince himself that I had some sort of mental disorder, he pretty much already has. I've overheard him telling his staff that I was suffering from depression and I was "obsessive". Well guess what doc, you would be to if you only had my eyes. I say this to my doctor... I know I'm going to Hell because I'm commiting suicide, but guess what so are yoU! And guess what, in Hell, they let the lasik patients do the surgery on the doctors.> See ya around.

My pain now is not from my eyes, but from the thoughts of how devasted my family will be from this. I made the biggest mistake of my life, the biggest mistake ANYONE COULD POSSIBLY make. In one instant my life was destroyed and now my family and friends will suffer to. I only hope that they know this is to end my suffering. What kind of life would I have had? To live in pain, misery, depression, sadness, regret, anger? What good would that have been? I hope they forgive me, I hope they understand that I wasn't just "crazy" but that I decided a life like this was not worth living.

I fear that my writing this letter may cause others to feel the same way. Please GOD help these people. I have considered just deleting this whole letter, but when will this madness called lasik end? What would I accomplish by just ending my life without anyone knowing this caused it? I want the doctors, the people to all know this is one potential outcome you don't hear about.